Impact Stories

Pride Month Resource: Queer Asterisk

junio 16, 2023

RP Whitmore-Bard on the powerful healing force of love and care within the queer community available to those grieving a loss.

In celebration of Pride Month, Judi’s House/ JAG Institute is sharing conversations and resources for grieving LGBTQIA+ individuals and those who want to support them.

This week, we talked with RP Whitmore-Bard, the Admissions and Communications Director of Queer Asterisk.

Queer Asterisk is a Colorado-based organization providing counseling services, educational trainings, and community programs centered on queer and trans experiences.

They have extensive reach to support LGBTQIA+ individuals across the Front Range who are struggling with everything ranging from depression and anxiety to grief and loss.

RP spoke with us about the deep well of love and care within the LGBTQIA+ community and the many ways the community can offer support and healing to grieving individuals. Read on to learn more about their insights on how to show up and support queer individuals throughout their grieving journeys and the many ways we can find empowerment through our connections to one another.

What would you like our community to understand about the intersection of queer identity and grief?

Grief can feel very private, and also a part of what can be helpful for those grieving is to have connections and support outside of themselves. For queer folks, finding that safe and trustworthy community support can be challenging at times. It’s so important for all of us to have people in our lives who understand us, who love us just as we are, and who celebrate us for being who we are. Having that foundation is a building block for mental health – and something to lean on during a time of grief.

Queer identities can be beautifully complex, and not everyone necessarily understands that beauty. For anyone struggling, please know that you are not alone, and there are people who you belong with who can help to support you and lift you up, even if they’re not in your immediate family or community circle. Take the time to seek us out. We are here and we want to welcome you in.

What have you observed regarding unique aspects of grief and loss in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Because folks within the LGBTQIA+ community are a minority group, we experience minority stress. That means any other life stressors, such as losing someone, can be disproportionately challenging for us to experience.

As a collective, LGBTQIA+ people have also unfortunately experienced disproportionate amounts of grief and loss, due to the AIDS crisis, higher rates of suicide, and hate crimes. Sometimes we may be numb to the pain of these losses, because there have just been so many.

Other times, we may experience depression or other mental health challenges resulting from grief, because the enormity of the loss can feel so overwhelming.

One unique way that the LGBTQIA+ community can respond to grief and loss is by showing up for each other. There is so much love and care in this community, and that love can be a very powerful healing force during times of grief.

How can our community support LGBTQIA+ folx, especially LGBTQIA+ youth and young adults?

Believe LGBTQIA+ youth and young adults. Believe their feelings, their stories, and their identities. Offer to listen, even if you don’t understand. Be a supportive presence, and let people know explicitly that they can come to you if they are struggling. If you’re not in the LGBTQIA+ community yourself, find ways to connect the young people in your life to LGBTQIA+ adults, through mentorship or through positive media outlets. Show them examples of happy, successful, thriving queer people. Give them access to role models, so they can imagine themselves in the future.

Are there myths/unhelpful assumptions about grief in the LGBTQIA+ community that you would like to debunk/challenge?

Spiritual and religious communities can be a source of comfort and support for many people who are grieving. It’s a myth that there isn’t space for LGBTQIA+ people in some of those communities and traditions. Many clergy and spiritual leaders are queer and want to support queer people specifically. Additionally, I think there is a picture of LGBTQIA+ adulthood that some people hold that is very lonely and isolated.

While it can be isolating at times to feel different or not accepted because of your identity, there are many examples of positive, supportive, loving communities and families filled with LGBTQIA+ people. Being a queer person does not mean that your life will be filled with grief and loss, any more so than cis-het people. You do not need to feel ashamed of who you are, or feel any less deserving of care and support during a difficult time, just because of who you are. You are worthy of love. 

Learn more about Queer Asterisk, their resources, events, services, and more by visiting their website.